How about, if she wanted all the time?

Coolidge effect is able to suppress our greatest desires

Several years ago, scientists from Germany mentioned that in relations with time, sexual wish is being lost preferably in women, and the intention to display tender emotions – among men. In fact, the more disappointed partner absolutely logically supposes that he/she would be much happier if he/she had quite high sex levels.

Actually, the situation is much more complex than it seems. In the reality, partners face the adverse subconscious program because of which they lose sexual harmony and can even search for sex elsewhere.

Think, what was happening with male monkeys when they had access only to one female, who was always ready for coupling (due to hormone doses). You might suppose it’s heaven? No! During a year and a half, they coupled less with the decreasing enthusiasm from the side of males. But as soon as they were provided with a new female, these lazy apes got back in business with the previous eagerness.

What do you suppose would be if your partner always wanted? I can easily bet that you would leave her/him. The sad truth is that making love to you not so often; your partner protects your relations from the excess of sexual satisfaction. However, without often sexual acts, the wish to display tender feelings decreases, which often leads to the fact that the partner demonstrates love only when they want to couple.

How does sexual satisfaction divide partners?  When researchers studied the mind of the male rat in the period of sexual activity, they found out that dopamine stands behind the interest to the partner. The more repetitions of the coupling act the pair of rats had, the less dopamine got in the brain.

But when the new potential partner appears, dopamine increases again.  The procedure is the same, which makes you eat  sweet greasy desert after you have already eaten the necessary quantity of calories in a chicken and mashed potatoes. The surge of dopamine can cause you to overeat or to push for treason, despite the fact that you are already full and sexually satisfied. The surge of dopamine is a call to action, and the decline of dopamine is a signal to a release. As we learn in later posts, dopamine is often reduced after satisfaction, which is an illustration of how it works. Our genes often behave as heartless puppeteers.

The phenomenon during which the male gets tired of the female with whom he got sexual satisfaction and when another female appears is called Coolidge Effect.  Scientists have studied this phenomenon among different mammals, inclusive of females. Females of some rats, for example, display a greater sexual interest at interaction with the unknown male, and not with the one, with whom they already had sex. In accordance with this phenomenon, when couples separate because of sex problems, the recently almost asexual partner acquires great libido when the new partner appears.

Even those who do not have a partner, feel the Coolidge Effect after satisfaction:

I have watched the movie about guys who have very expensive and real sex toys. One of them had more than 10 of them. So many, that he hardly had any space in the house. Despite the fact they were toys, he started perceiving them as girls with whom he spent much time and wanted to have more to “spread his genes”. Probably that is why guys are watching so much porn. We think that we watched the best porn of all times, but having watched it several times, we never come back to it anymore. I gathered tonnes of pictures – the so-called storage of pleasure. But I don’t even remember coming back to the one that was already watched. The greatest pleasure is a new picture, an unusual picture or, probably a new sex toy.

Why does the biology do it so that the constant partner increasingly looks like cabbage, and the new one looks like cream? Because this way, more offspring will be able to be raised with more genetic variety. Your genes want to get into the future times on multiple ships. It is as risky to be monogamous as putting all eggs into one bag.

Do you need proof? Not a single mammal is monogamous if we are speaking about sexual monogamy, and only 3% create long-term relations. What the minority practices, including people, is called social monogamy.  They create long-term conjunctions and often raise offspring together, despite the fact that they still have a wish to walk on the side.

Our genes want us to use such an opportunity and to transfer them, even if it will have an adverse effect on our happiness. If couples manage to be faithful, often the dissatisfaction, caused by neurochemicals, makes them see each other less and less attractive. Research shows that the more the couple lives in marriage, the more annoyed they are by each other.

Some couples manage to cope with this bad natural mechanism, trying to get in some more dopamine, using porn in their love affairs, or incarnating their sexual desires in life.  In both cases they try to trick their brain to think that the new sexual partner appeared for the transmission of genes. Others try to create dopamine burst by changing partners with another couple or causing strong feelings by means of tyeing the partner. But it can be quite tiring to organize the release of dopamine each time when we want sex.  And what would happen if one partner wants to “revive” sexual relations and the other is not ready to take so much efforts for that?

Are we helpless in front of biology? In future posts we will familiarize with the way, used by different people for sex without being attached to the partner. If we satisfy sexual desires too often, you will prompt Coolidge Effect, which will make you search for dopamine, as your dopamine level will decrease after sexual satisfaction. The idea is to reach the extreme low and high levels of dopamine. In this case, usual pleasures will always be nice and cheerful, and partners can preserve passion. That is why, if Coolidge Effect tries to interfere with your alliance, do not panic. You have the solutions you did not explore yet.

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